What do you truly deserve from life? And how often do you sacrifice your own needs to accommodate everyone else's expectations?

In Part 3 of our continuing conversation with Melissa Carey, host and behavioral health therapist Jim Ellermeyer explores the importance of self-awareness, personal boundaries, and creating a life that reflects who you really are.

Melissa opens up about her own experience of being highly intuitive and naturally accommodating others, often anticipating their needs before they even ask. She reflects on recognizing these patterns, learning to honor her own choices, and understanding that personal growth doesn't happen all at once.

Sometimes, what feels like returning to an old struggle is actually an opportunity to go deeper.

Jim and Melissa also discuss the freedom that comes from admitting "I don't know." Rather than viewing uncertainty as a weakness, they explore how curiosity and a beginner's mind can open new possibilities.

The conversation moves into Melissa's passion for sound-based mindfulness experiences, including Tibetan and crystal singing bowls, tuning forks, drums, humming, and breathwork. She describes how participants can embrace unexpected sounds, connect with a group, and discover their own experience of presence.

Melissa also shares her perspective on Reiki as a personal spiritual practice, her interest in aromatherapy, and her willingness to challenge conventional assumptions.

Throughout the conversation, Jim connects these ideas to 12-step recovery, behavioral change, and the importance of acceptance.

In this episode:

• Reclaiming your needs without abandoning compassion for others

• Setting boundaries around unsolicited advice

• Understanding why personal growth happens in layers

• Finding freedom in saying "I don't know"

• Exploring sound, rhythm, and mindful listening

• Reiki as a practice of personal awareness

• Challenging assumptions and opening yourself to new perspectives

• Accepting the present as a starting point for change

Remember: mindfulness isn't about having every answer. It's about being present, remaining open-minded, and choosing how you participate in your own life.

Connect with Melissa Carey:
https://intothespirithealing.life

Listen and subscribe to Fishing Without Bait:
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Learn to Fish Without Bait: A 365-Day Mindfulness Journal and Adult Coloring Book

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Do a kindness for yourself, and do a kindness for another.

In Episode 529 of Fishing Without Bait, behavioral health therapist Jim Ellermeyer sits down with Producer Mike for a return to the fundamental ideas that have shaped the podcast through more than 500 episodes.

At the center of the conversation is a simple relationship between expectations and serenity:

“The greater your expectations, the lower your serenity. The lower your expectations, the greater your serenity.”

Jim and Mike explore the difference between setting rigid expectations and setting intentions. An expectation can turn life into a pass/fail exercise where anything short of a particular outcome feels like failure. An intention gives us direction while allowing us to remain present, curious, and responsive to what actually happens.

That leads to another question Mike asks himself: “What am I working so hard to get to?”

Jim's answer is equally simple: “There is no there.”

The conversation expands into emotional honesty and the ways people avoid uncomfortable truths. Jim challenges the automatic response of telling everyone we're “good” when we aren't—including situations where honesty with doctors, loved ones, recovery peers, or ourselves could make a meaningful difference.

They also discuss the 12-step idea that “it's our secrets that keep us sick,” the discomfort involved in confronting fears and resentments, and the tendency to keep “kicking the emotional can down the road” instead of dealing with what is immediately in front of us.

Mindfulness, as Jim and Mike describe it, isn't escaping daily life or spending hours in meditation. It is practical:

Paying attention on purpose.

It's pausing before reacting. Questioning assumptions. Making choices based on facts instead of beliefs. Recognizing how our words and actions affect others. And allowing our words to pass through three important gates:

Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

The episode closes by returning to impermanence and non-attachment. Everything and everyone in our lives is shared with us temporarily. Rather than making life meaningless, that understanding can make the present more valuable.

We don't live by years, months, weeks, days, or hours.

We live by moments.

Make this one count.

Continue the Journey

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In Fishing Without Bait Episode 527, Jim Ellermeyer sits down with longtime co-host and Producer Mike to explore Buddhism not as an unreachable ideal, but as a practical way of approaching everyday life.

Being awake doesn't mean being perfect. It means noticing what is happening around us, recognizing what is happening within us, and becoming more intentional about what we do next.

That leads Jim and Mike into a discussion about living on autopilot. Jim even brings up the longtime Western swing band Asleep at the Wheel as a playful connection to the idea of “sleepwalking through life.” How many days do we simply go through the motions without really participating?

Learn more about Asleep at the Wheel:
https://www.asleepatthewheel.com/

The conversation moves through compassion, boundaries, time, emotional reactions, expectations, and the Buddhist “middle path.” Jim reminds us that compassion does not mean becoming a doormat. We can care about other people while still deciding where our time, effort, and resources belong.

Jim and Mike also explore non-attachment and the expectations we place on our future. Wanting a new job, a different career, a bigger house, or another version of life isn't inherently wrong—but suffering can begin when we convince ourselves that those outcomes must happen.

That discussion leads Mike back to the spoken-word track “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen),” a piece that has stayed with him since his teenage years. He reflects on its message about the role chance plays in our choices: sometimes things work, sometimes they don't, and we don't have to spend our lives regretting a road that didn't lead where we expected.

Listen to “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)”:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI

Throughout the episode, Jim and Mike return to one central idea: mindfulness creates a space between what happens and how we respond. In that space, we can make a choice instead of reacting automatically.

The challenge for this week is simple: stop trying to become perfect. Work on becoming more awake.

Observe. Describe. Participate. And take the next step.

Subscribe to Fishing Without Bait on your favorite podcast player.

Support Fishing Without Bait and receive ad-free episodes:
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Pick up “Learn to Fish Without Bait: A 365-Day Mindfulness Journal and Adult Coloring Book”:
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Drawing from principles rooted in 12-step recovery and mindfulness, Jim explains how shifting your mindset—away from comparison, criticism, and complaint—can fundamentally change your thinking, relationships, and even your brain chemistry. Together, they explore how gratitude isn’t just a feeling, but a disciplined practice that reshapes perspective and attracts more positive, authentic connections.

The conversation also tackles real-world challenges: handling gossip, navigating negativity in professional environments, and learning the “graceful art of leaving” situations that no longer serve you. Through relatable examples and practical techniques—like redirecting conversations or simply saying “I don’t need to know”—listeners gain tools to set boundaries without conflict.

Jim introduces a powerful mindfulness exercise centered on prioritizing who and what you “nourish” in your life, emphasizing the importance of investing energy into supportive relationships rather than draining ones.

This episode is a reminder that everyone is in recovery from something—and that choosing gratitude, awareness, and intentional action can lead to a more fulfilling life.

Check out Katie Dudas’ story at https://www.fishingwithoutbait.com/search?q=katie%20dudas
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🎯 Calls to Action

• Subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast player
• Support us on Patreon for ad-free episodes: https://www.patreon.com/c/fishingwithoutbait
• Pick up our book: “Learn to Fish Without Bait: A 365-Day Mindfulness Journal and Adult Coloring Book” https://www.lulu.com/shop/james-ellermeyer-lpc-ma-ncc-lpc/learn-to-fish-without-bait/paperback/product-6n9rd8.html?page=1&pageSize=4

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